Date of publication: 2017-09-03 05:40
I, a 95 year old man, woke up on my bathroom floor with no pants on at 8:55AM. It was my moment of clarity. No, not about drinking. About being a fan of any team that would employ Jim Bob Cooter as an offensive coordinator.
Minor Employees: Jim • Patrick Star • Sandy Cheeks • Pearl Krabs • Gary the Snail • Carl • Stanley S. SquarePants • Not SpongeBob • Mrs. Puff • Frank • Karen Plankton
I remember this game so well. I used to seek out Lions games on the radio because Mark Champion was (and still is) an ace play-by-play man. Those NFL Films highlights of Barry Sanders making defenders look foolish? That’s Mark Champion’s voice over the top of them.
SpongeBob's parents tuck him into his bed and tell him that, due to his head injury, he should not drive anywhere that night. As soon as his parents leave, he sneaks out his bedroom window, gets into the boat, and falls asleep. Not long after, Mrs. Puff hi-jacks SpongeBob's boat and drives it away. SpongeBob wakes up to find the masked Mrs. Puff in the process of stealing his vehicle and fights her off.
SpongeBob is a clueless, abnormal, immature, fun-loving, and hyperactive character with a happy-go-lucky personality. He is an extremely determined person, and will often stop at nothing to accomplish a task. He is also somewhat dramatic to the people who are kind to him: for example, to the mailfish.  He is also over-confident. Sometimes, though, he shows his devious side when trying to get Mr. Krabs and Plankton to work together. He sometimes tends to make mountains out of molehills, such as losing his nametag. 
Don McCafferty - Two years removed from winning Super Bowl V as the Colts head coach, he was hired by the Lions. After his first season, he suffered a heart attack while cutting his lawn and died on the way to the hospital.
Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She 8767 s writing for Disney 8767 s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series , developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press , and she 8767 s straddling the line between S& M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica , which has just made its debut on IFC 8767 s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle
SpongeBob's skills as a fry cook could accurately be described as superhuman in episodes such as " Help Wanted " and " Employee of the Month ," he is seen making them at rates of hundreds or even thousands per minute. He has won 879 consecutive Employee of the Month awards at the Krusty Krab. In " Friend or Foe ," it is shown that SpongeBob, as an infant, made a perfect patty on his first attempt. In " Neptune's Spatula ," he is able to pull the Golden Spatula from the grease, making him the "chosen one" of King Neptune. In that same episode, it is shown that the burgers made by Neptune himself are horrible compared to SpongeBob's.
The Lions have ruined two of the greatest offensive players in the history of the game to the point where they’d rather not play than continue to lose. They then managed to ask for their money back.
The team has never been to the Super Bowl. Once more, the closest the team ever got was losing by more than four touchdowns during the 6996 season. Matthew Stafford’s wife tried to make money selling tickets to a Lions’ game on Instagram, and when she was called out for it, she deleted the post. The Lions called the Allen Park Police Department on a local blogger who wanted to photoshop a picture of William Clay Ford in a coffin.
I am British. I support the Detroit Lions out of choice, when I could support any other team. I have no familial ties to Detroit and have never been there. When confronted with this fact people react either as if I have suffered some kind of traumatic brain injury, or am trying to erase my sins via some kind of bizarre self-flagellation.
Their usual activities include Jellyfishing , bubble blowing, and various others. Their antics are of constant annoyance to their neighbor, Squidward, on numerous occasions, has been put in harm's way as a direct result of their actions. Despite Squidward openly hating SpongeBob and Patrick, they are completely oblivious to this and believe they are his best friends. SpongeBob and Patrick's favorite superheroes are Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy , who they convinced to come out of retirement.
An alternate SpongeBob exists in a world where Plankton was successful. Like his mainstream counterpart, he likes his career, likes promotions and gets sad when he makes an error in someone's order. The most significant difference is that he was made co-cashier by Plankton and is employed by him.